My brother, Matthew, took his own life on Saturday 30th September 2017. He left behind a four year old son, as well as heartbroken family and friends. In the aftermath of this tragedy we all needed help. In addition to what one might expect in terms of feelings of grief a plethora of other maladies descend which are far less expected. I have suffered from a combination of anxiety and depression in addition to what I can only describe as a complete stripping away of certainty in almost every aspect of my life. It has caused me to reassess everything. My family and Matthew’s friends will all have had to contend with their own manifestations of grief.
One constant for all of us seems to have been the lack of help available through the NHS or the delays involved in accessing that help. There is still a disproportionate burden laid at the doors of charities in order to offer the help that the victims of grief desperately need. So, I put my mind to how I might make a contribution.
With the invaluable help of my Brother-in-Law, Joe and his wonderful production skills, I have recorded a version of a song which I performed at Matthew’s funeral. Thank you also to my beautiful sister, Anna, for providing some great backing vocals.
The minimum purchase price is £3.05. This is the average cost of a pint in the UK just to give you a sense of just how little a sacrifice I am asking for. The maximum purchase price is unlimited. I have decided that I will match the total donations myself up to the first £1000. All donations will be split between two charities: SOBS (Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide) and CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably). Suicide is the biggest killer of men who are under 50, in the UK.
Thank you in advance for the help that you could offer to others who have to contend with such a tragic event.
lyrics
Matthew’s Song
VERSE
The crowd leapt up,
If you did not know, you’d think we’d won the cup.
A warm embrace;
Hugo Boss and stubble on my face.
An elated stroll,
A re-creation of the winning goal.
And we’re off to town
Friends and brothers,
Roughly twenty pounds.
A familiar face –
More upstairs and now we’ve found our place.
We’d settle in,
Laughing, digging in amongst the din.
Children of the beat
We danced through smoky clubs with smoking feet
Through euphoric love,
We rode the crowd and every push and shove.
CHORUS
We all know that he’s had his day.
We all said all that we could say.
And you can’t hear words through a perfect storm
But his heart is running in another one,
And we’ll all keep watch for our hero’s son;
So his heart beats on.
VERSE
We’d stumble home
One glass too many weighing down our bones
“What a night” – we’d say;
As hazy stories kept our sleep at bay.
Hugs at his door;
I did not know that there would be no more.
But there’s no regret,
Just the scent of dancing and a cigarette.
CHORUS
We all know that he’s had his day.
We all said all that we could say.
And you can’t hear words through a perfect storm
But his heart is running in another one.
And we’ll all keep watch for our hero’s son;
So his heart beats on.
VERSE
His restless feet,
Knew the tread of almost every street
A son of this town
Warmly held in roots that grew around.
Some roots took hold
But no one knew that they would leave him cold.
But now our tree
Envelops every precious memory.
CHORUS
We all know that he’s had his day.
We all said all that we could say.
And you can’t hear words through a perfect storm
But his heart is running in another one.
And we’ll all keep watch for our hero’s son;
So his heart beats on.
BRIDGE
His heart runs around in another one.
And we’ll keep watch now he is gone.
Repeat.
credits
released September 1, 2018
Andrew Russell - Music & Lyrics
Joseph Price - Production
Anna Price - Backing Vocals
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